Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
