Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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