Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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