and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
