So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
