i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
