You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
