I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
