I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
