At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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