i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
