just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
