My Higher Power is John Stamos
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
