I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
