she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
