just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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