she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
