she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
