My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
