dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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