I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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