So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
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I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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