GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
