You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
