why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
