never play flip cup with pint glasses
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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