Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
a search helicopter?!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
