I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
