You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
