I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My first STD was from a foam party
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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