wat bout pragnant strippers??
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
