You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
