I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
