just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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