do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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