I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
