When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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