Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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