a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
