I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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