Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
