so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
