do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
