benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
