he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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