i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
