you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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