I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
