its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
