I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
