How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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