I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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