Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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