Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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