it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
