I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
