Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
