Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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