i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
literally had 100 drinks last night.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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