I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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