Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
