I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
