so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
