He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize