I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
