I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
