So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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